i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nicole vs. Life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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