i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
