Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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