I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
