you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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