I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
