when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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