Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
