I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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