You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
