sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize