Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
