just tell him i said nine months
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
