You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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