Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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