i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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