Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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