Umm I'm too high to move.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
