i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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