yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
