still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
