I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
