She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
