i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
