her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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