Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
