So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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