you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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