I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
