My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
