either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I just put wine in my tea
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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