So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
