He kissed a someone with a penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He shit in the fireplace
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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