ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
