my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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