We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bring me that man meat
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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