i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
