A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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