We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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