well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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