if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
