i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
