If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
