it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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