I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
