I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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