Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
