her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
