Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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