I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
