Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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