You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
