I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
