YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
