: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
