You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize