when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
