Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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