At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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