y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
