Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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