I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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