White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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