yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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