new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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