He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
