no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
