if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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