Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
