alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this will be a night to untag.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize