I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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