Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Randomize
