so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
