I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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