So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize